Spoken Lies and Unspoken Truth

You leave so much to the end

Making it harder to go around each bend 

Why can't you change

Just think...Outta range

That last thing you told me

Oh so sweet.

You've got me

I'm beat.

But those things that I feel

They don't change.

Sure this doesn't seem real,

Couldn't it just have been a dream?

But if it was a dream. 

It would mean it was something I wanted.

But it's not. It was. It used to be.

This hurts alot.

Making me feel lost inside

Wishing I had more guts to dig down there. Inside.

But I know for a fact, 

That this wouldn't last.

It's just a thing from the past.

No, we cannot hide it.

No, we cannot deny it.

But we can prove it wrong.

Or at least I can.

I think I can...

You tell me I have beautiful eyes.

So why all these past lies?

The things left unsaid

We would rather do without.

All these things left unsaid

Now you decide to scream and shout

Is now really the right time to bring up the Unspoken?

Is it really a truth? 

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable. --Jim Davis

Last time.

It creeps at my doorstep

Claiming I still where it 

Like that chain around my neck

It tells me that I can't fight it...

But I know that's not true.

I thought it was gone.

That thing I used to feel.

Stop telling me it's real.

Cause this ain't just no big deal.

Next time it you want to show up at my doorstep.

Knock, don't think you can come right in

You're not welcome here

Never will you be.

No you're not something I fear

Sure, you've caused a few tears

You'll say "Come here my dear..."

So tempting and inviting.

Like that cookie in the jar...I can't stop this fighting.

But don't try to chain me down.

You won't win. 

See I've got this ticket...Free pass outta sin. 

He's holding my hand, turning me around.

No, my feet don't touch the ground.

In his warm, loving arms I lay.

So until that next day

When you come to my doorstep.

Know that I don't live this alone.

You can't throw it at me, like a dog after a bone.

I won't let you back in. I won't, I won't.

So don't come to my doorstep.

There's no point.

I won't let you in.

Why?

Why do you promise...

You know you can't keep it.

You tell me you're sorry. 

But that I should think more about you and how it is affecting you.

I thought you were done with this.

You claim it's hard to get over. And I know those things are.

But figure out a way to make it easy.

Cause this isn't good for us. 

You say you don't want to lose this friendship,  and that I won't talk to you.

But I'm here aren't I? 

I'm trying to figure out what is planned, but life is just a haze. 

A glimpse here, a glimpse there. 

But never of what you and I will be.

It's like a baby tree.

You never know how fast it'll grow, or when it'll sprout.

What it'll grow, no matter how long you doubt.

So let it blossom, into what it's meant to be.

So please, don't push me. Give me time, just like that cherry tree.

ME

If I don’t say this now

As I’m leaving this world I want to break

My heart is starting to separate

But I’m holding back all I want to be

Cause it just can’t be me…

But you give me the push

You give me a nudge

Saying “Stay here, don’t budge”

But I want so badly to move

Let me go, why oh why

Can’t you say no

Just let me choose and let me be

The thing that I’m not supposed to be

You see the real me

You made it,

You shaped me to be what I’m supposed to be

You’ve already got that plan

For when I step out into the world and see,

This is me.

This feels so wrong.

Why did you push

It’s taken me so long to be

Stop.

Feel.

Take in that breath.

This is really me… 

YOU CAN’T CHANGE ME

Take it whole, break it in

The pressure’s on me to be what they see

But I’m moving to slow for them

It’s not time to rest yet

My thoughts alone are to complicated

I still carry on

Hoping for that day where I climb that mountain

Cause I’ve always been strong

I can’t let this happen

Cause I need to breathe

I’m going in, so watch me be me.

I’ll be the laughing stock, because I won’t let them use me

Abuse me.

Change me.

Still I carry on.

Wanting that day when I walk out into the sun, and breathe it in

Cause I’ve always been strong

I won’t let this happen

Cause I’m gonna breathe

I’m there, on top of that mountain

I’m me.

They couldn’t take me.

Make or break me.

Cause I’m that strong

Cause I’m breathing

Breathing you in.

 

LOVE BOX

That box in your closet, it’s getting full

The things you’ve said, the things you’ve done.

The things that have happened, they can’t be undone.

But take out that box, and open it wide

Don’t be afraid

To remember what’s inside

Take out the pain, sorrow and despair

Replace it with tomorrow’s gain and care

Now leave in the disappointment and slight mistakes

They’ll help you when your world begins to break

Use them to see what you can change

But keep them a safe distance, but close range

And once you’ve put in your past experiences, the hate and the anger

Close this box of pain and danger

Wrap it in the blood red sheet

And close it, promise never to peak.

Cause now it’s all gone, the pain and the sorrow

Wake up, today is tomorrow

He’s taken it from you, taken it all away

Tomorrow will be a happy day

 

THE COMMON GREAT

This pain you feel, its so unreal.

Nothing can wipe it away, not my words, nor can I say

You are great and you are loved

Even if its only from up above

Please don’t hurt, there’s no need

For you can do good deeds

You make me laugh, you make me cry

You make me wonder…why oh why

You feel like you’re not meant to be, like your life is a lie, a permanent empty lie

But please try to understand, that I will come and lie with you

For you are not a lie, nor will you ever be

You’re the caring kind

For you were meant to be, so why say goodbye

To those who love and those who care

To those who watch and those who stare

For they may see what YOU think YOU can be

But I see what you don’t see…

The kindness and passion, the love and the crashing

Of the you you’re letting go. The one you should really know.

So don’t make me beg, get down on my knees

Begging please, please.

This thing you see yourself to be, it’s no more than a common “he” or “she”

But this person I see, is the greatest thing you could ever be.

 

CAN’T YOU SEE…?

Can't you see the way I stare, the way I comfort, and the way I care?

Stop. Don't shed that tear.

Do not fear for love is near.

I know I've hurt you and done you wrong.

But please don't hurt anymore.

I'm sorry for the things I’ve done, and haven't said. No None.

The things, they bottle up inside, until it's like a rollercoaster I cannot ride.

But now I've lost you, you've found a new her.

I'm too little too late, shut out by a closed and locked gate.

So as I walk away from you tonight

Know that it will be all right.

I still love you, I still care.

But it's not me you see this night.

No I do not dare, dare to say...

Please...Can't you see me?

Look UP

These darkest things

They hide inside us

Life dreams are shattered

You cry here for hours, then hours turn to days

This life you live

It’s just a dull haze

You get up, then fall back down

You hit, hit the hard ground

So why get up?

Why not just let up.

Cause this life you live, it’s just a dull haze

But there’s something you crave

Love.

To be love.

To show love.

I know where you can find it

Look above you

No, not to the clouds. You won’t find it there

Look to God, he’ll have it there.

Common Great

This pain you feel, its so unreal.
Nothing can wipe it away, not my words, nor can I say
You are great and you are loved
Even if its only from up above
Please don’t hurt, there’s no need
For you can do good deeds
You make me laugh, you make me cry
You make me wonder…why oh why
You feel like you’re not meant to be, like your life is a lie, and permanent empty lie
But please try to understand, that I will come and lie with you
For you are not a lie, nor will you ever be
You’re the caring kind 
For you were meant to be, so why say goodbye
To those who love and those who care
To those who watch and those who stare
For they may see what YOU think YOU can be
But I see what you don’t see…
The kindness and passion, the love and the crashing
Of the you you’re letting go. The one you should really know.
So don’t make me beg, get down on my knees
Begging please, please.
This thing you see yourself to be, it’s no more than a common “he” or “she”
But this person I see, is the greatest thing you could ever be.

Everyday People

Listen.
Do you hear her cry?
Feel.
Can you feel the pain at his hands?
Walk.
Watch her walk away.
Those people you see.
The lost and the broken.
The poor and the needy.
Why must you be so greedy.
This love you’ve been given, 
Why can’t you share it around.
How many times have you been driven
Driven out of town
Those who watch and those who stare
They need your comfort and your care
She’s the one with a “Last Chance” label
And he’s the one underneath the table.
Watch them as they beat him down
Driving him closer and closer to his next meltdown
She’s stuck in the bathroom
Removing the “old” and becoming a “new”
So please, the next time you see them
Stop them.
Hug them.
Take their hand and guide them.
Cause their everyday people.
Who need a little help from everyday people like you.

Life. It's just that complicated

Life. 

It flys by.

Your birthday has come and gone, now its the dawn of a new day.

Can I have an order of easy with a side of take it slow?

No. 

You're hit with a curveball. STRIKE! You're out!

"Can you not just understand? If I could have it like this, how much easier my life would be!"

"My child, if I give this choice of yours to you, will you look to me in the end when you really need me? Or will you forget that I have a plan for you already? That this plan is far greater than anything you could ever have in mind."

Why are you looking for love

Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North

Life...

I see you walk by like I’m invisible.
My whole life, devoted to you.
No longer will I put myself through this pain. 
You broke my heart without knowing it.
Can you see me?
I’m the one who helped you along every step of the way.
Who sat with you when she dumped you, when she liked you.
I gave you advice. I was there whenever you needed me. Wherever.
Now as I see you grab her hand, I can feel myself getting stronger.
Because you are not for me. 
I am for me. 
One day. There will be someone for me.
But you will never be.

Who are you...

Who are you to say you love me.

Who are you to say you care.

Who are you to call, and ask me, can I come over there?

Who are you to lie.

Who are you to kill.

This heart of mine, inside my chest, aching for a fill.

These are the days we look forward too...<3

1. Rolling down hills and tripping over eachother

2. Drinking pina coladas and getting caught in the snow

3. Shaking hands with cute strangers at YC

4. Meeting our future husbands :P (starfield!!)

5. Planning our jo-bro trip...:( even tho we didn't go

6. Being there in the tough times

7. Loving eachother in the easy months

8. Bird - watching :P <3

9. Star gazing in mexico

10. Playing on a girls softball team and spitting our cat food every where!! meeeooww!! <3

Ever Thine

Ever Mine

Ever Ours

Less than three you <3

Who do I trust. The strong one, or the weak one with no voice, but yet is the strongest.

We all have consciences. Telling us yes or no, good or bad, harmful or helpful. Some say they are just voices inside our heads, most believe that it is the Holy Spirit sent to guide you. 

Have you ever had to decide something for yourself, that may have been one of the hardest decisions of your life? That may have a huge effect on you later in life? Or sooner? 

God gave us a heart to love. To love Him first and foremost, then to use it to love others. But what is love? Is it the love you have for a partner, or for a material of some kind. Is it the love of a mother for her son, or a father for his daughter. Love came from our father. Given to us to use for His glory and power. 

(Read James 1:2-4)

So think about it. Do you love? Who do you love? You're friends, family? How many people do you walk past in the day that need your love, but you don't give it to them, because you don't give them the time of day. Maybe because they're different. But we are given love to use for the whole world. To fill it with God. 

(Read 1 John 4: 7-12 and 19-21)

Ocean Wide - The Afters

Look outside
It's already light and the stars ran away with the night
Things we're said, words that we'll try forget,
it's so hard to admit I know we've made mistakes
I see through all the tears but that's what got us here

If love is an ocean wide
We'll swim in the tears we cry
They'll see us through to the other side
We're gonna make it
When love is a raging sea
You can hold on to me
We'll find a way tonight
Love is an ocean wide

I'll stay right here
It's where I'll always belong
Tied with your arms
Days like this, I wish the sun wouldn't set
I don't want to forget
What made us feel this way
You see through all my fears
And that's what got us here

Love is an ocean wide enough to forget 
Even when we think we can't

I love this song, because it shows how big God's love for us really is. Although it is 10x the size of the ocean, it still helps put it into perspective. 

Refuge: written and composed by: emilee barbour

I take refuge in you

you save and deliever

This sin I have done

this guilt on my hands

Let the assembled peoples gather

judge me, search my mind and matter

My sheild, my God most high

who saves the upright in heart

I take refuge in you

you give me strength

Lets sing praise to the Lord most high

The evil around us

is slowly rising

The assembled gather, the weak will fall

Awake O God, rise up against our enimies

The wicked return to the graves

the needy are not forgotten

Nor the hope of the afflicted ever parish

you listen to the unrighteous cry

Lift up your hands, Lift up your hands, Lift up your hands, and praise the Lord Almighty!

God's Epic Love

Have you ever really sat down, and though about God's Epic Love?

God sent His one and only son, to die for us...sinners in this world full of sin. Consumed by drugs, swearing, sex, alchohol, and ourselves. Putting aside who we really are and who we were meant to be, all because that's what the world told us. What our "friends" told us. What we chose to believe. Every single day, we turn away from our maker. We tell ourselves things to make it feel like its ok. Even though we know it's not. Yet through all the pain, and suffering, ad unforgivable things we've done, God still loves us. He still forgives us. Every time we run back to Him, he's there. Even though we feel like we've let go, He hasn't. He holds on through everything. The thick and thin. We must love Him with all of our mind, our soul. With all that we are, we must love Jesus. The Savior of the unsavable, the unforgivable. The undeserving. 

A little while ago, a friend of mine was going through some tough times with their family. We got talking, and it eventually turned into a talk about God and us as Christians. They asked me one question, that if we constantly fail, are we still called to be Christians? Do we deserve it? I said yes. Because God gave us the chance to change. And even though we take it for granted every day, He still gives us that change again and again. We have chosen the life of following Him. We are His chosen ones, called to bring light into the darkness. Psalm 86: 1-10 says:

"Hear oh Lord and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life for I am devoted to you. You are my God, save your servant who trust in you. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long. Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you. Hear, my prayer O Lord, listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. Among the gods, there is none like you, O Lord, no deeds can compare with yours. All the nations you've made will come and worship before you, O Lord. They will bring glory to your name. For you are great, and do marvelous deeds. You alone are God!