Letter to you.

Dearest you,

I don't know if you know me. Know if I exist. Know anything.
But I wish to.
I remember that day that I saw you. That day that everything changed.
Am I just pulling myself on a twisted path, not knowing where I will be dragged to next.
Or is this where I'm supposed to go?
Your eyes, they were filled with kindness. Your face, your smile. Amazing.
I got that sense of knowing, that you were better than most.
You could sacrifice everything you are,
for something you love.
You care. You give. You love.
All that I could possibly dream of, would be that one day, you'd know I exist on this lonely planet.
You'd know anything and everything. And that something big, something would come out of this.
But I know that there's nothing I can say. Because I don't know where you stand, or what you think.
Is there another she? Or are you one of those who just doesn't want to be part of that scene.
I'd understand either way. But I think it's too late.
If I were to have the news broken to me now, it would only take a couple days,
hopefully, to get over it.
But what if this is more than I think. Or less.
I'll never know.
But all I can do is try. Attempt to show you who I am,
and show you the amazing things that I see, without even knowing your basics.
So dearest human, I ask, that when I see you next, we can try.
But please, if this isn't right. Oh how I ask God to show me.
I don't want another failed attempt.
Not another bloody romance.
And even though I swore I would never fall again.
It's not my fault.
You tripped me.

Sincerely,
Truly.Madly.Deeply.

Are we all forgotten.

Why can't I see.
Those signs you put infront of me.

This fake me I wear.
All I can't do is be free.

The rain. Slaming at my window.
This pain. It's jamming.
Harder and harder against me.
Pushing me farther and farther down.
Down, and away from you.

I feel like I've lost this race. The last one I'll run.
I know I should have fallen from your grace.
I am expected to be shuned.

Are we all forgotten.
It sure feels like I am. No.
Like I should be.

But you keep giving me these things.
Called second chances.
I don't know why I always get them.
When I know I should be turned away...

Put on the street. Forgotten
I see those who have succeeded.
I only wish to grasp what they have.
To wash my hands of this disease.

But I'll just keep on pushing. To get out of these chains I constantly reach for.
Cause I know I'm not forgotten.

I love you.

Fallen Awake.

Tonight.
I feel nothing.
The shame and anger that once rest upon me. No longer sits, gaping over my shoulder.
Tonight I am hiding. From all that I am. And all that I wish too be.
Cause please, you can't possibly want me.

Tonight.
I regret everything.
These nights when I fall.
Where are your hands that are supposedly holding me?

Tonight.
I wish upon a shooting star.
For its too late.
I've fallen awake.
I cannot forget what I've done.

Begging.
That you would be as disgusted with me as I am with myself.
Pleading.
For you to give up on me.
Stressing.
The fact that I have only one option.

But you've paid that price. Taken my sin and my shame. Leaving me empty. Yet renewed.
Even though I feel beaten and used.
These lies Iim believing.
Those truths, I'm still not seeing.

I know you haven't given up. And I don't want to.
But what if that is my last option.
Please I beg of you.

Give me the strength. Break me down. Build me anew.
But please, don't just bring me to my knees. I ask of you,
bring me too see, all that is within me.
Bring me to feel, all that is real, and unreal.
Bring me to realize, that if I only opened my eyes...

For I've Fallen Awake.

Harder than the first time.

What was I thinking. Getting involved in this.
Oh right, I remember. I was trying to be the good friend.
The caring one, who was there through thick and thin.
Well this is wearing pretty thin.

All Systems. Down.

I fall again.
Harder than before.
I come to your door.
Begging for more.

But I know you couldn't possibly want me.
Why, look at me. What would you see?

I tell you I'm sorry, then beg for your grace, oh your glory.
Then the next thing I know, I lie.
I can't even say I try anymore. I feel alone.
I feel the effects of my failures, my losses.

It took my hand, said "Don't be afraid."
So I thought deep and hard. Yes I can't even believe.
I prayed.

Now, as I stand...wait. Fall. Harder than before.
I'm here, I'm here.
Begging for more.

I'm begging for your mercy. But I know I don't deserve it.
I'm on my knees, wanting something I can't have.
Because what you give is a gift.
And I'm too selfish, to deserve something from you. Oh, even that wonderful gift.

So please now, why won't you shun me.
Because I know, that lie, he can outrun me.
I know what the dawn of next day brings.

Me, myself and I.
Asking for your forgiveness.
Begging for you, please.

But as I sit here, I pray.
That my skies would be grey, my regrets. Out weigh my day.
That I would know myself. Know my failures, know my doubts.
That I would see, that you would see.
What I truly deserve.

So now I sit.
Waiting for the next hit.
Falling harder than before.

Wanting you.
Begging for more.

Tonight, I love you. Tomorrow...

Love, it's OVER RATED.
But I just can't help but wonder. Why didn't we. After that bus ride, that long grueling bus ride. Things had blossomed. This was going to be something more. Something amazing.
It started off slow, and it seemed pretty right. But you didn't know me. And I was going to run. Run into the night.
I ran, ran away. But now, regretting I ever turned to stray. We worked so well, everyone could tell. But why did I have to make that one last mistake.
Now, I think about it, more and more. Wondering, why did I ever WALK OUT THAT DOOR.
You told me I had beautiful eyes. Everything I said, those days I ran. They were only silly little LIES.
Now we talk, now we walk. But you're not in front of me.
I miss you. Knowing you were there to comfort me. Knowing we had something going, you see.
So now, every time I see you. My heart still skips a beat. But I know I've lost you for good. I wish I knew what you thought. Every time we were around. When our eyes met, you know there's things I regret. Regret of thinking I could have you. Regret of thinking I was good enough. Regret of losing you.
But there's a twist. A grueling twist. I've got a close one. A drama filled friend. She see's you too. And is hurt, oh so true. And yet it was possible for me to over look that. And pick you, out of the few in that hat. I wish you would admit, that you know what you did. The pain you've put her through, the tears she's cried, OH SO TRUE. 

But now you've changed. I know you can see it. I just don't know how to treat it. You were so different before, now what made you and change to the core. I miss who you were. The one I once knew. And I know, it's still under you. But know that I've hurt you too. Your heart is under real lock down. It's secure and tight. I hate knowing what I did, and what I didn't do. So let me ask you a question. You like to take chances, you took a chance on me. And now, I'm barely one you see. So maybe, I'll take a chance too, and maybe one day, I'll have you. But for now, I'll take that leap, soaring over the gap of yesterday and been here before. I'm not going to promise, that I'll always hold back. If so, I'll be stuck on this unending railroad track.

So know.
That tonight I love you.
And tomorrow...
Well tomorrow I'll still keep it true.

The Latency - Tonight, I love you.

Dear Lies.

Emptiness.

Lacking.

Faith.

Dear Lies.
The day that you opened my door, and walked into my life. I felt something new. I felt something that I had never felt before. But yet did I have to find out, that this wasn't a good feeling. You closed the rest of my windows, and locked my doors. And I let you. You came in. Dressing me in satisfaction and deceit. You fed me lies and undyingly poured my glass fuller and fuller. I began too forget the rest of the world. Sinking into your lies and temptations.

But that day came, when someone else came knocking at my door. Something with more promise, that didn't hurt me. Someone who didn't torture me into death, yet guided me beside still waters. Oh Dear Lies, how much happier I felt with the truth. I could laugh again. I felt complete. I was filled with a love like no other. But I was weak without knowing.

That night you crept into my room. Waking me from a peaceful slumber. Taking me into the darkness. Telling me I wasn't allowed to say no anymore, because I had failed too many times. I fell for it. I felt guilty and disgusted for what I had done before. This thing, this unexplainable hatred that I felt, this was the only punishment I would ever receive. I had sinned. And you had helped. You had a sly smile on your face, I knew you would. You had succeeded then. Bringing me farther away from the truth, and closer towards the hate and rage I felt of myself. You had won. For now.

Dear Lies. Have you never heard a fairy-tale? The prince always comes for his Princess. Even in the worst circumstances. He slays the dragon, or kills the witch. Obviously you were unaware, as even I was. That I had a prince. He came, white horse and all, to rescue me from this dungeon. I may have eaten your poisoned apple, but none was stronger than the love of thy Prince. That sly smile began to recede. And an anger driven revenge beginning to flare.

And as He led me by still waters, away from temptation, I still felt guilt. I felt a personal need to punish myself. I was to blame for all of this. I had fled from my Prince once before. I knew I was capable of doing it again. No matter how much I though I put my trust in him, I had no trust in myself.

So again I've been dragged away and enticed. Falling deeper into the darkness with your lies.
But I've grown smarter over these years. You don't know how much I know and feel. The things that I am capable of. I have a Prince, who rides that white horse. Waiting for me everytime. And now is the time. The time, where forever more, I follow him.
I'm opening that door, the light shines in. And my foot steps out, into the unknown. But I am not alone. But that is where I leave you. Alone. Where you first found me

Sincerely,
Bruised, Broken, Beautiful.

Just Row.

For:Jolene

The Door.
It closes.
The light.
It recedes.

Your eyes.
They darken.
Your life.
In need.

Those waves they crash.
Right into you.
The tears.
They fall.

Your heart.
It calls.
This masterpiece.
Will fall apart.

You're short of breath.
You've got with drawls.

This isn't gonna be easy.
Your emotions.
They're all poses.

Curtains being hung.
Windows being closed.

Those flat-footed shores.
You see where you were before.
This leaves you.
Begging for more.

The pain.
It burns.
You're heart.
It longs...It yearns.

Life will seem pointless.
Your eyes will fill.
Your fists will clench.

But know there's that special bench.
Sit down and let go.
Take up life's boat.

Just Row.

Pink Book.

Cotton.
Gosh, darn. It's so rotten.
It clogs my throat.
Giving me ... a hard time to express my words...

I love the golden arches eh mate?
Let's drive through their wicked gate.
Crikey!
Can I get a dingo burger? And crocodile strips.
..."Uh sir, we don't have those."
BLOODY HECK!

Superstar.
Where you from how's it going...
I know you. Not a clue what you're doing.
Wait...You're baking. How are those buns in the oven?

Cause I'm sure he's burning up for you baby.
But wait...I hate that song.
It drives me crazy.
When you're all heartless..
Decked in lace and leather.

I call to you.
Cause you're "Really really cute!!"

You're hair...So amazing.
How do you get it like that?
And that way you bite your lip.
I purr like a cat...

Carnations...
What a douche bag.
"What?!"
"Oh not you boyfriend...!" Haha.

Man.
I've never seen someone dance like you.
Teach me.

I hear we work well together.
If I was a man. I'd date you first..:)

Walking down the street.
Look at that boy.
We should meet.

"What did you say? Oh, he is cute!"
Ugh...Should've gotten his number while you were at that...

Skills.
Yes mine are mad.
I have a set of pipes.
A kid thinks his are more rad.

Mission Impossible.
For you two,
oh it was...
Possible?

Going home.
Oh so...
Sad?

I was mad. Two pops?
Oh yes.
That teacher had hops. French ones...
"Zehro Calories." He would say.
In such a hilarious way.

Who are you?
Don't jump...

BigCityDreams.

Oh, to hear a calling in life.
To see a future ahead.
To see a new sun rise.
To see the old one set.
Wishing to
Create.
Wishing to inspire,
to design.
To make works of art.
To make a name, a style,
For everyone.
To put together something
Magical.
The 'fabrics' of this world,
the sun, the stars,
Could be created into
the fabric of clothing,
shining and sparkling.
Wishing to create.
To inspire.
To design.
Or to speak.
To tell of stories,
of days past.
Of things that haunted me.
Things that changed me.
Hoping to change you
from what changed me.
Hoping God can speak to you
Like He spoke to me.
Wishing to share.
To inspire.
To spread hope.
Wishing to be
What I was made to be.

To: Emilee Barbour
By: Jolene Selles <3
Thank you Joe..

Come a stranger...

You tell me that I am the only one you see.
You claim, I'm a prophecy.

You told me you'd even wait ten years.
I can't really be the only one with these fears.

I can't do this, I've told you before.
But your constant comments and bring-backs,
they're like an ocean roar.

My head is spinning, my stomach twirling.
You are pushing to hard.
My emotions are hurling.

Stranger.
It's who you are to me.
Alone.
That's all I want to be.
Redeemed.
By a Savior who wants only me.

Come a stranger from the dark.
Come out from the brush, like a lark.

Sweetly talking, by and by.
As I question it.
Why, oh why.

My sanity, its slipping slowly.
All I can do is tell you I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm not truly the one you see.
No, you're not the key.
To unlock this mystery.

He's the key.
My Romancer.
Forever he was, and forever he will be.
He does not expect some letter of how I love him so.
Trust me, he only ever always knows.

I need him, more than I need you.
I am sorry.
But this blog is true.

To you whom I've lied.
It seemed like such a sweet lullabye.
But know, that we can still be friends...
Even if that's not your kinda trend.

Come a stranger, come into the night.
Show me your grace. Show me your light.
Be my Romancer, that's all I pray.

And maybe...He'll make us work someday...

El amor Perdió y Olvidado...

This love I've lost and forgotten.
It makes me feel rotten, that I take it, and crumple it up.
Scoring it in the trash.

Lets face it.
Let's be rational. That love.
It can't really come in such beautiful packages

You take me as your own.
And you set me on this path.
But what is my choice?
I can't hear you replying, but I know you hear me calling.

Calling out for redemption and grace.
Calling out before I lose this last race.

You write me letters, full of love.
I've got this book.
I'm sure it sells up above...

But as I walk down that path. I turn left, shoot right.
Those aren't the paths you chose for me.
All I can ask is what do you long of me?

Please give me some sign, just give me a chance.
Again, take my hand. I'm ready to stand.

Love Lost and Forgotten...El amor Perdió y Olvidado <3

Beauty in the calm and the undying.

Sitting on a freshly painted bench.
Watching all the world re-paint itself.

Taking out that hidden box.
And storing in on your shelf.

Why must you try to remember.
Why do you always push to forget.

That last time you sat on the bench.
It was chipping, but only because it was so used.

It's been a while since you've sat on this bench.
Because you know when you sit there.
All you can think of, all that you remember.
It's all based on REGRET.

As the bench wears down.
You go with it.
You fall away into deprivation and regret of yesterday.

But you forgot something on that bench.
It's in a box.
Just as it is in on your shelf.

Redemption is calling your name.
It paints your life.
But you push it away. Trying to forget.

The things you feel.
Regret. Shame. Anger.
Put that on the newly painted bench.
Enclose them in that box on your shelf.

Because there's a new bench, with Redemption all over it.
It's calling your name.
Yes, it's down the road.

It's not an easy road.
But know, you don't walk that road alone.
To your left and to your right.
You are surrounded by the unloved and ashamed.

So when you sit down on that new bench.
Let this be your calling.

See now the King of Glory
Love of God become my calling
Father I surrender all I am to You forever

You reign.

What could stand before You 
As You chose to embrace
A cross so undeserved You took for me
The weight of sin upon You 
When You offered Your life
As You walked the streets of men 
With fading strength

How could we live but not see
Your sacrifice
Your glory

You reign, You reign
Over everything Lord, You reign
With power, and justice divine
Over everything Lord, You reign

What was Your last thought
As You drew Your last breath
Where the victory was Yours for us to see
And all will know the truth
As we live by Your grace
Every praise to You alone

See now the King of Glory
Love of God become my calling
Father I surrender all I am to You forever

-You Reign - Hillsong United