Monday, June 14, 2010

Last Call.

Tonight's the last call for boarding.
On that train to no where near here.

Take me home to a place where no one's ear's can hear..
And hide me from this place called planet existence.

Tonight's the night that I wonder, what would it be like..?
If I wasn't here..
If I might just disappear..

When I sit here and wonder, would you notice my quick dispersion..?
Am I fast enough, to come up with a clever diversion..?

What's happened to me is so out of control.
You're not here.. You can't seriously be..
You've left, and as of now, I don't see you coming on back.

Tonight's my last call..
Please.. Don't leave me. I know that nothing will probably stop me from being forgotten.
My hearts too beaten and bruised to be wanted.

Tonight's my last call..
At an attempt of quick desperation.
To reach out to you.

WILL YOU NOTICE ME?

Tonight's my last, and final call.
When will this all change? Can it?

If you see this.. please, don't just leave me. Don't just leave those that are like me. Those that feel alone, that are left alone, that feel like they have no where else to go, but open this door. This door of self denial, self failure, self harm. Don't let them get this far.. I do not claim to be in a worse stage of matter than some of them.. But I'm not strong enough to bet back up, to beat those odds.. My self-esteem is lower than ever. My ability to trust, broken. The thoughts of myself, black, dirtied and deceitful. I know that this could seriously be the end. And no one seems to care.
That my faith has fallen to pieces, and I am at the point where I don't want to pick it up. That I've thought about leaving, and never coming back. But not in a car, or on a train. Leaving this place, for good. The people who I seem to call my friends, are more my enemies, dragging me deeper into, what seems to be, depression. Some days, I don't want to get out of bed. I want to hide from the world. One I once thrived in. Now I'm left in the abyss called planet E.
So what has happened to me?
My hearts been ripped apart and burned to pieces. My soul, has been stolen, and locked away. I am unable to get myself back. Back to when it was all OK, or better than it is now. Those thoughts, of leaving this place, and knowing, that not many would notice, or care. Especially the one's who said they'd always be there.. Those images of how much better I would, can be. I've lost all of who I really am, and do you know, where I can find her again?

So now. This is my last call, for all.

WILL YOU NOTICE ME?

1 comment:

  1. Emilee... I don't know you very well at all but God put this verse on my heart for you.

    Though the mountains be shaken
    and the hills be removed,
    yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
    nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
    says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
    -Isaiah 54:10

    I have NO idea what hills and mountains you are facing in your life, or how it feels like life as you know it is crumbling around you... even maybe that faith is shaken. But you have a God who promised to be with you ALWAYS, who loves you at your weakest and at the moments you feel the most unloved and most undeserving of compassion and grace... who has noticed you all along and is just waiting for you to look up. God never told us life would be easy, He does everything for the GOOD of those who love Him, not for the comfort... but He did promise His UNFAILING love, His PROMISE of peace... what you are going through will equip you for His service and His plans.. and God has plans for you, He has so much for you :)
    I am praying for you Emilee!
    Your sister in your loving Father
    Jessica

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