Falling down. Going up.

At that love and lost Park 

Where I used to sit and watch.

You.
All alone in the dark .

Knowing what you were thinking.

Wishing for a new way out.
You always said nothing would blow you away. 
And you were right.

Nothing's gonna blow you away

You're running out of clock. 

And that ain't a shock.
Some things never do change 
Never do change.

Never will it change. 

Nothing's gonna tear you down.

You said there was never any grace

For someone like you.

Well I'm here to tell you

That you know it. You HAVE it.

So why are you in such a race..

Men can do terrible things.

Yes they can.

But remember. 

Some things do change...

I love you.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4 : 15-16

Chaos and peace.

Like a rose grows on a warm day

Your words are like sunshine to mine.

I walk those streets of Vienna

Searching for the next lit town.

Yesterday was full of nothing.

And tomorrow is overflowing with everything.

The pain controls my thoughts

What I feel twist and rip at me.

Your...you...everything is my remedy.

All is lost and nothing is won.

It's time for healing.

Time to find my way... 

Down this path of insecurity.

Unable but willing.

Where I walk

These paths are unstable.

They sink

They bob and they weave.

When did I get here

And how am I so unable?

I am lost

But I keep my eyes focused

on that Saviour who saved my life.

I don't know what to ask for

But I know with his creative hands

I won't pay the cost.

He's gonna tell me what to do

Even if I only depend on those silly words

from those amazing bands.

I am the unable

I do not listen well

I don't like change.

But I am willing.

I'll give my ears to him.

I'll go where he sends. Where he leads.

I am the unable but willing.

Love Song Requiem.

What's left of me.

How did this happen.

One second I turn.

And the next I lose my sanity. 

Knowing that you weep.

Is this really...

what I want to keep?

I'm a let down.

Yet you hold me twice.

I can't go on. You bring me closer. 

But yet every second I turn.

Me. I'm gone.

I want you. I need you. 

All you wanted. 

Was to see me face down, on my knees. 

Begging for mercy, begging for me. 

You tell me everything will be just fine. 

Yet I'm the runaway all those paper backed boxes speak of.

In the daylight I recover. 

But oh, it will forever hover.

Tonight, all I wish is to curl up and die.

But you pull me tight, you hold me closer.

Don't you think, 

that I should give it a try?

What's left of me.

I know how this happened.

I pushed. I believed I could do this on my own. 

But now...

I'm all alone.

I'm having a breakdown.

I'm beginning to see the light.

All I've ever wished for, ever dreamed.

Is to climb into that captains chair.

This story. It's worth it all.

Although my actions, were without love.

I am the redeemed.

And this is my freedom song.

Although this battle has yet to be won.

I've got some help. He's up above. 

Yes this love, it's oh so rare.

And this...This is what's left of me.

The unavoidable battle.

I said I'd never go back there. 

That last step I took. 

Fully over.

But now I'm back again.

Falling harder than ever.

Can you hear me?

I wish I could erase those things...

Like those white boards, in those rooms where I was meant to become clever. 

Regret.

Why can't you see.

This is how I want it to be.

Failure.

Everytime I turn.

I lose each and every key.

Without.

There's this lacking emptiness inside me.

The darkness, taking a quick look.

Unbreakable.

Was what I thought I was.

Now it's all I wish to be.

Losing breath. 

Can't do this on my own.

It steals me like a crook.

Redemption.

I don't deserve you.

I shut you out, shoving you to the sidelines to watch my wrongdoings, and bad choices.

You still want me.

Please come for me. 

I am to weak to run. To weak to hide. To weak to even breathe anymore.

Wish upon a star.

You walk away.

All that could've been said.

No. none.

Your eyes are so dark, so kind.

Lost. everytime.

Your smile.

Melting. breathe.

Your love for Him, so astounding.

Truly. real.

I can't all but focus.

On that other she you see.

Yes, I guess it's alright with me.

But just so you know.

I fall like an aged tree.

And I break. 

Some more.

Take me.

Feel that last breath.

As I fade into the unknown.

All I can feel is darkness.

Take me.

Take me in.

My life to you I give.

Breathe.

Breathe in me.

My Savior.

Take me in.

Alone I stand.

In this bare and empty room.

The warmth I feel.

Is all but surpassing what's real.

It's you.

You're love for me.

Sigh.

Oh so real.

Take my hand.

Take me n.

My life for you I'll live.

Breathe.

That strong breath in me.

My Savior.

Take me in.

Broken and Rescued

These islands we walk upon.

grounded and lost.

We search for our lives

washed out by the sea.

No one foretold it.

No one to give that last needed answer.

He took us from the ends of the earth, from the farthest corners.

He calls;

"So do not fear, for I am with you."

"Do not be dismayed, for I am your God."

He writes us a love song.

Who measured the atlantic.

Who has held us all this time.

Who has understood us from the beginning of time.

As I walk in this darkness.

The lamps seem to be my only guide.

But my hand doesn't feel empty.

I can feel you by my side.

Yet I can feel my past.

So bleak, all those beatings.

I feel the defeat.

How could I have done this, 

and carried on with that.

But I know he redeems me

I raise my voice in these streets

Singing Him this song.

Spoken Lies and Unspoken Truth

You leave so much to the end

Making it harder to go around each bend 

Why can't you change

Just think...Outta range

That last thing you told me

Oh so sweet.

You've got me

I'm beat.

But those things that I feel

They don't change.

Sure this doesn't seem real,

Couldn't it just have been a dream?

But if it was a dream. 

It would mean it was something I wanted.

But it's not. It was. It used to be.

This hurts alot.

Making me feel lost inside

Wishing I had more guts to dig down there. Inside.

But I know for a fact, 

That this wouldn't last.

It's just a thing from the past.

No, we cannot hide it.

No, we cannot deny it.

But we can prove it wrong.

Or at least I can.

I think I can...

You tell me I have beautiful eyes.

So why all these past lies?

The things left unsaid

We would rather do without.

All these things left unsaid

Now you decide to scream and shout

Is now really the right time to bring up the Unspoken?

Is it really a truth? 

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable. --Jim Davis

Last time.

It creeps at my doorstep

Claiming I still where it 

Like that chain around my neck

It tells me that I can't fight it...

But I know that's not true.

I thought it was gone.

That thing I used to feel.

Stop telling me it's real.

Cause this ain't just no big deal.

Next time it you want to show up at my doorstep.

Knock, don't think you can come right in

You're not welcome here

Never will you be.

No you're not something I fear

Sure, you've caused a few tears

You'll say "Come here my dear..."

So tempting and inviting.

Like that cookie in the jar...I can't stop this fighting.

But don't try to chain me down.

You won't win. 

See I've got this ticket...Free pass outta sin. 

He's holding my hand, turning me around.

No, my feet don't touch the ground.

In his warm, loving arms I lay.

So until that next day

When you come to my doorstep.

Know that I don't live this alone.

You can't throw it at me, like a dog after a bone.

I won't let you back in. I won't, I won't.

So don't come to my doorstep.

There's no point.

I won't let you in.

Why?

Why do you promise...

You know you can't keep it.

You tell me you're sorry. 

But that I should think more about you and how it is affecting you.

I thought you were done with this.

You claim it's hard to get over. And I know those things are.

But figure out a way to make it easy.

Cause this isn't good for us. 

You say you don't want to lose this friendship,  and that I won't talk to you.

But I'm here aren't I? 

I'm trying to figure out what is planned, but life is just a haze. 

A glimpse here, a glimpse there. 

But never of what you and I will be.

It's like a baby tree.

You never know how fast it'll grow, or when it'll sprout.

What it'll grow, no matter how long you doubt.

So let it blossom, into what it's meant to be.

So please, don't push me. Give me time, just like that cherry tree.

ME

If I don’t say this now

As I’m leaving this world I want to break

My heart is starting to separate

But I’m holding back all I want to be

Cause it just can’t be me…

But you give me the push

You give me a nudge

Saying “Stay here, don’t budge”

But I want so badly to move

Let me go, why oh why

Can’t you say no

Just let me choose and let me be

The thing that I’m not supposed to be

You see the real me

You made it,

You shaped me to be what I’m supposed to be

You’ve already got that plan

For when I step out into the world and see,

This is me.

This feels so wrong.

Why did you push

It’s taken me so long to be

Stop.

Feel.

Take in that breath.

This is really me… 

YOU CAN’T CHANGE ME

Take it whole, break it in

The pressure’s on me to be what they see

But I’m moving to slow for them

It’s not time to rest yet

My thoughts alone are to complicated

I still carry on

Hoping for that day where I climb that mountain

Cause I’ve always been strong

I can’t let this happen

Cause I need to breathe

I’m going in, so watch me be me.

I’ll be the laughing stock, because I won’t let them use me

Abuse me.

Change me.

Still I carry on.

Wanting that day when I walk out into the sun, and breathe it in

Cause I’ve always been strong

I won’t let this happen

Cause I’m gonna breathe

I’m there, on top of that mountain

I’m me.

They couldn’t take me.

Make or break me.

Cause I’m that strong

Cause I’m breathing

Breathing you in.

 

LOVE BOX

That box in your closet, it’s getting full

The things you’ve said, the things you’ve done.

The things that have happened, they can’t be undone.

But take out that box, and open it wide

Don’t be afraid

To remember what’s inside

Take out the pain, sorrow and despair

Replace it with tomorrow’s gain and care

Now leave in the disappointment and slight mistakes

They’ll help you when your world begins to break

Use them to see what you can change

But keep them a safe distance, but close range

And once you’ve put in your past experiences, the hate and the anger

Close this box of pain and danger

Wrap it in the blood red sheet

And close it, promise never to peak.

Cause now it’s all gone, the pain and the sorrow

Wake up, today is tomorrow

He’s taken it from you, taken it all away

Tomorrow will be a happy day

 

THE COMMON GREAT

This pain you feel, its so unreal.

Nothing can wipe it away, not my words, nor can I say

You are great and you are loved

Even if its only from up above

Please don’t hurt, there’s no need

For you can do good deeds

You make me laugh, you make me cry

You make me wonder…why oh why

You feel like you’re not meant to be, like your life is a lie, a permanent empty lie

But please try to understand, that I will come and lie with you

For you are not a lie, nor will you ever be

You’re the caring kind

For you were meant to be, so why say goodbye

To those who love and those who care

To those who watch and those who stare

For they may see what YOU think YOU can be

But I see what you don’t see…

The kindness and passion, the love and the crashing

Of the you you’re letting go. The one you should really know.

So don’t make me beg, get down on my knees

Begging please, please.

This thing you see yourself to be, it’s no more than a common “he” or “she”

But this person I see, is the greatest thing you could ever be.

 

CAN’T YOU SEE…?

Can't you see the way I stare, the way I comfort, and the way I care?

Stop. Don't shed that tear.

Do not fear for love is near.

I know I've hurt you and done you wrong.

But please don't hurt anymore.

I'm sorry for the things I’ve done, and haven't said. No None.

The things, they bottle up inside, until it's like a rollercoaster I cannot ride.

But now I've lost you, you've found a new her.

I'm too little too late, shut out by a closed and locked gate.

So as I walk away from you tonight

Know that it will be all right.

I still love you, I still care.

But it's not me you see this night.

No I do not dare, dare to say...

Please...Can't you see me?

Look UP

These darkest things

They hide inside us

Life dreams are shattered

You cry here for hours, then hours turn to days

This life you live

It’s just a dull haze

You get up, then fall back down

You hit, hit the hard ground

So why get up?

Why not just let up.

Cause this life you live, it’s just a dull haze

But there’s something you crave

Love.

To be love.

To show love.

I know where you can find it

Look above you

No, not to the clouds. You won’t find it there

Look to God, he’ll have it there.

Common Great

This pain you feel, its so unreal.
Nothing can wipe it away, not my words, nor can I say
You are great and you are loved
Even if its only from up above
Please don’t hurt, there’s no need
For you can do good deeds
You make me laugh, you make me cry
You make me wonder…why oh why
You feel like you’re not meant to be, like your life is a lie, and permanent empty lie
But please try to understand, that I will come and lie with you
For you are not a lie, nor will you ever be
You’re the caring kind 
For you were meant to be, so why say goodbye
To those who love and those who care
To those who watch and those who stare
For they may see what YOU think YOU can be
But I see what you don’t see…
The kindness and passion, the love and the crashing
Of the you you’re letting go. The one you should really know.
So don’t make me beg, get down on my knees
Begging please, please.
This thing you see yourself to be, it’s no more than a common “he” or “she”
But this person I see, is the greatest thing you could ever be.

Everyday People

Listen.
Do you hear her cry?
Feel.
Can you feel the pain at his hands?
Walk.
Watch her walk away.
Those people you see.
The lost and the broken.
The poor and the needy.
Why must you be so greedy.
This love you’ve been given, 
Why can’t you share it around.
How many times have you been driven
Driven out of town
Those who watch and those who stare
They need your comfort and your care
She’s the one with a “Last Chance” label
And he’s the one underneath the table.
Watch them as they beat him down
Driving him closer and closer to his next meltdown
She’s stuck in the bathroom
Removing the “old” and becoming a “new”
So please, the next time you see them
Stop them.
Hug them.
Take their hand and guide them.
Cause their everyday people.
Who need a little help from everyday people like you.

Life. It's just that complicated

Life. 

It flys by.

Your birthday has come and gone, now its the dawn of a new day.

Can I have an order of easy with a side of take it slow?

No. 

You're hit with a curveball. STRIKE! You're out!

"Can you not just understand? If I could have it like this, how much easier my life would be!"

"My child, if I give this choice of yours to you, will you look to me in the end when you really need me? Or will you forget that I have a plan for you already? That this plan is far greater than anything you could ever have in mind."

Why are you looking for love

Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North