6.797.000.000.

The bench.
It's cold.
Her heart.
It's locked.

That night.
It's dark. Dreary. Lonesome.
Her eyes.
They're wet.

Her cheeks.
They burn.
She's only looking for one thing.
A new way.
To turn.

That bathroom.
It reeks.
Those walls.
They're unseeing.

The words.
Unloving.
Her thoughts.
They never leave.

Her numbness.
Only seething.
She's never felt.
What it's really like.

To not be alone.
On that dreary night.

So help her out.
Out of that room.
That dark and cold and
weary room.

Take her hand.
Show her love.
Show her it's from God above.

TWLOHA<3

Running in circles.

Why do I feel like this. My hands shake, my heart races. My head is sent spinning.

Watching you play piano and guitar...I melt. All over again.

I know I said I wouldn't do this again.. Trust me. I'm not. Atleast I don't think I will.

I promised you I wouldn't. So that's a promise I'm going to try to keep.

I constantly pray about it.

What am I supposed to do God. What am I supposed to say, where am I supposed to go.

But yet I can't ever get you out of my head. But is this just me wanting something because I feel like I need it?

Something that's just in my head for no reason of anything, anything at all.

Or is it real. Am I supposed to act upon what I'm not sure of.

Of all the people I've told. Of all the times I've gone back and forth. Where do I go now.

Back or forth?

What if I do, and you go away next year. What if I'm asked to be that special occasion's special date? What if you break up with me like you did her. Because of some other girl.

It's not supposed to be like this. I said no. I can't go back now. But I can't move forward wither. You never could talk to my face. Prove to me, how you really felt. Most guys are like that.

At least the ones that made my heart melt.

Now as I say goodbye, to what is wrong but feels so right. Or what is right, but is so wrong. I'll never tell you, because that's just how it is. I made a promise, and I need to learn to keep it.

So here's to the future. A future without you.

How to save a life.

I never knew.
I never knew that everyone was falling through.

I see you waiting over there, alright lets move.
We're falling faster than anytime before.
It's true.

But I know that he's brought us through.

Immediatly I feel helpless and weak.
But your love never fails.

I'm uncertain of the future.
Uncertain
If all my dreams are going to come true.
Or come crashing down.

These weakest moments.
They become our defining moments.

Nothing can seperate us..
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails.

You know I'll fail.
You've seen me fall.
Time and Time again.

When the oceans rage. And I fall in.
Your love never fails.




God whispers to us in our pleasures.
He talks to us in our confidence.
But He shouts to us in our pain.
It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.
-C.S Lewis

The Edge of the Ocean.

Without a thought.

Without a word.

Without that tiny little bird.

I hear a whisper.

A voice inside my head.

"Do it.

"What else could you have to do instead."

I'm at that place. Where I can't feel.

Where nothing in this world seems real.

I'm inside that box.

That empty little box.

I can't find the seams. This must just be a really bad dream.

But if this was a dream,

I wouldn't feel so ashamed.

I wouldn't want to hang my feet off the edge of a cliff.

Just going, gone.

Drift.

But I am so sick of falling.

So sick of trying to catch up. Why am I so far gone.

I feel something grab at me.

I feel something pull me from the edge.

The mist of the sea,

It builds a quiet ledge.

A ledge of for my memories.

A ledge for my regrets.

The ones that I get all lost and twisted.

What a mess.

But you have me.

I'm not falling.

I'm only dangling.

Dangling from the sea mist's ledge.

And now I'm holding on for dear life.

Amazing...<3

Disgrace. Dishonor. Attaint. VS. Redemption

She stands there.
At the end of the road.
Broken and Beaten.
Shattered and Forgotten.
By the ones who said they'd always be there.
By the ones that said I'll always care.

What is the word.
Right. Secluded.
Unwanted and pushed aside.
She couldn't even dig down deep.
To find her pride.

And as she stands in front of all those shadows.
Grave and degrading.
She looks up, but only to see disgrace, dishonor, attaint.
All standing on the stairs.
Their eyes, darting back and forth.
Shooting evil glares.

Step forward.
Disgrace.

Disgrace, starts off first.
Quietly but firm.
"She's lost in it. Now is the time to take advantage." He tells them.
"She's a fallen creation.
Put out of grace and favor."

Step back.
Disgrace.

Step forward.
Dishonor.

Dishonor has only one thing in mind.
To show her, these failed attempts. To slap her with her used and bruised honor.
He lets her know who's boss.
And then sends her identity out the window.
Toss.

Step back.
Dishonor.

Step forward.
Attaint.

This is where her final judgment is upheld.
"She will be condemned by this sentence" He reads...

But before Attaint can accuse her of everything she's done wrong.
Redemption walks through the door.

"Drat. Almost had her boys." whispers Disgrace.

Redemption slowly steps to her side.
And among Disgrace, Dishonor and Attaint, he lies his hand on her shoulder.
While her tears begin to fall.
His soft, silent spoken whispers are louder than Attaints.

"I love you." He whispers.
"You're my child. I forgive you."

Slowly the hands of Disgrace,
Dishonor,
and Attaint begin to fade off her shoulder.

She now stands at the end of the road.
In front of her is Redemption.
Cause this for her,
is Redemptions new road.

Handwritten. To You.

Dearest you. First off let me say;
Oh how I love you.
You've always been there for me.
Not matter where, no matter when. No matter the amount of lifeguard stairs to drend.
I'll never leave you. I'll always support you.
I'm always there to court and lead you. And though, I like a mother, and you like my child; I tale you under my wing..
We've grown up together in eight short weeks.
Even through all the bunk bed nights gone wild.
So remember, I'll love you till the end.

No matter how many ______ years old you are.

Sincerely,
Mongoose.

Love. It's true Aggression.

Love.
All this progression.
You're constantly on my mind.
What is this. What should it be.

Succession.
It's the world I wisht to hear the most.
You're smile. It helps me to unwind.
How deep should I go.
How deep.
Should I fall.

I still want.
At least to be able.
To crawl.

You make me feel, oh so happy.
I gaunt over you. Day and night.

All those songs.
You told me too see.
Risk.
Are you sure you'll take one with me..?

Aggression.
This love is flaring.
This need is all to daring.
Hold me in your arms.
Never let me fall down.

Unexplainable Feeling.

How can I hide.
These unexplainable feelings.
How can I deny them.
How can I forget them.

Unexplainable is a joke,
when you know the exact words.
The exact description.
Of what you want and what you need.

It's unexplainable.
How you make my head go round.
And the sense of speaking has never been shared.
How you make me day dream. And it only wants to make me scream!

It's unexplainable.
How much you change daily.
You've got that light switch on your head.
That mood ring on your hand.
Yet, I attempt to be nice. I attempt to think, it was just an off day.
But this is so unexplainable.
Because this is how you are everyday.

It's unexplainable.
How you feel so much pain.
How you could have gone through so much,
and somewhere along the way, not noticed,
how beautiful you really are.
When you search for that mirror. That perfect reflection.
Yet all you get is something that cannot you be pleased by.
Don't worry. I'm not thinking, not at all, that that is a lie.
For it is unexplainable how many times I search for it too.
For what is real. What is beautiful and true.

It's unexplainable.
How I could be so stupid. So deceiving of myself.
To think that something could begin. When there wasn't even a beginning.
To attempt at a grasp of your hand. From a far away. Distant land.
Without these feelings, I would be unexplainable.
This is who I guess you could say I am.
Indecisive. Firm. Weak. Train wreck. Pathetic. Shot down.

It's unexplainable.
How many times a day, I feel like I'm under all their grays.
That when I walk past a reflective surface.
All I can think, is if only I could find new ways.
To be that perfect size. One who doesn't even have to try.
It's unexplainable.
How the littlest, yet largest things in life. Set me off.

Why can't you read that letter.
Why can't you make one thing in life matter.
Why can't you see, the beauty, underneath all that is tattered.
Why can't I believe that I am beautiful.
Why can't I believe that there's a chance with you.
Why can't I believe that I'm not meant to be you.

All of this.

Is so unexplainable.

Letter to you.

Dearest you,

I don't know if you know me. Know if I exist. Know anything.
But I wish to.
I remember that day that I saw you. That day that everything changed.
Am I just pulling myself on a twisted path, not knowing where I will be dragged to next.
Or is this where I'm supposed to go?
Your eyes, they were filled with kindness. Your face, your smile. Amazing.
I got that sense of knowing, that you were better than most.
You could sacrifice everything you are,
for something you love.
You care. You give. You love.
All that I could possibly dream of, would be that one day, you'd know I exist on this lonely planet.
You'd know anything and everything. And that something big, something would come out of this.
But I know that there's nothing I can say. Because I don't know where you stand, or what you think.
Is there another she? Or are you one of those who just doesn't want to be part of that scene.
I'd understand either way. But I think it's too late.
If I were to have the news broken to me now, it would only take a couple days,
hopefully, to get over it.
But what if this is more than I think. Or less.
I'll never know.
But all I can do is try. Attempt to show you who I am,
and show you the amazing things that I see, without even knowing your basics.
So dearest human, I ask, that when I see you next, we can try.
But please, if this isn't right. Oh how I ask God to show me.
I don't want another failed attempt.
Not another bloody romance.
And even though I swore I would never fall again.
It's not my fault.
You tripped me.

Sincerely,
Truly.Madly.Deeply.

Are we all forgotten.

Why can't I see.
Those signs you put infront of me.

This fake me I wear.
All I can't do is be free.

The rain. Slaming at my window.
This pain. It's jamming.
Harder and harder against me.
Pushing me farther and farther down.
Down, and away from you.

I feel like I've lost this race. The last one I'll run.
I know I should have fallen from your grace.
I am expected to be shuned.

Are we all forgotten.
It sure feels like I am. No.
Like I should be.

But you keep giving me these things.
Called second chances.
I don't know why I always get them.
When I know I should be turned away...

Put on the street. Forgotten
I see those who have succeeded.
I only wish to grasp what they have.
To wash my hands of this disease.

But I'll just keep on pushing. To get out of these chains I constantly reach for.
Cause I know I'm not forgotten.

I love you.

Fallen Awake.

Tonight.
I feel nothing.
The shame and anger that once rest upon me. No longer sits, gaping over my shoulder.
Tonight I am hiding. From all that I am. And all that I wish too be.
Cause please, you can't possibly want me.

Tonight.
I regret everything.
These nights when I fall.
Where are your hands that are supposedly holding me?

Tonight.
I wish upon a shooting star.
For its too late.
I've fallen awake.
I cannot forget what I've done.

Begging.
That you would be as disgusted with me as I am with myself.
Pleading.
For you to give up on me.
Stressing.
The fact that I have only one option.

But you've paid that price. Taken my sin and my shame. Leaving me empty. Yet renewed.
Even though I feel beaten and used.
These lies Iim believing.
Those truths, I'm still not seeing.

I know you haven't given up. And I don't want to.
But what if that is my last option.
Please I beg of you.

Give me the strength. Break me down. Build me anew.
But please, don't just bring me to my knees. I ask of you,
bring me too see, all that is within me.
Bring me to feel, all that is real, and unreal.
Bring me to realize, that if I only opened my eyes...

For I've Fallen Awake.

Harder than the first time.

What was I thinking. Getting involved in this.
Oh right, I remember. I was trying to be the good friend.
The caring one, who was there through thick and thin.
Well this is wearing pretty thin.

All Systems. Down.

I fall again.
Harder than before.
I come to your door.
Begging for more.

But I know you couldn't possibly want me.
Why, look at me. What would you see?

I tell you I'm sorry, then beg for your grace, oh your glory.
Then the next thing I know, I lie.
I can't even say I try anymore. I feel alone.
I feel the effects of my failures, my losses.

It took my hand, said "Don't be afraid."
So I thought deep and hard. Yes I can't even believe.
I prayed.

Now, as I stand...wait. Fall. Harder than before.
I'm here, I'm here.
Begging for more.

I'm begging for your mercy. But I know I don't deserve it.
I'm on my knees, wanting something I can't have.
Because what you give is a gift.
And I'm too selfish, to deserve something from you. Oh, even that wonderful gift.

So please now, why won't you shun me.
Because I know, that lie, he can outrun me.
I know what the dawn of next day brings.

Me, myself and I.
Asking for your forgiveness.
Begging for you, please.

But as I sit here, I pray.
That my skies would be grey, my regrets. Out weigh my day.
That I would know myself. Know my failures, know my doubts.
That I would see, that you would see.
What I truly deserve.

So now I sit.
Waiting for the next hit.
Falling harder than before.

Wanting you.
Begging for more.

Tonight, I love you. Tomorrow...

Love, it's OVER RATED.
But I just can't help but wonder. Why didn't we. After that bus ride, that long grueling bus ride. Things had blossomed. This was going to be something more. Something amazing.
It started off slow, and it seemed pretty right. But you didn't know me. And I was going to run. Run into the night.
I ran, ran away. But now, regretting I ever turned to stray. We worked so well, everyone could tell. But why did I have to make that one last mistake.
Now, I think about it, more and more. Wondering, why did I ever WALK OUT THAT DOOR.
You told me I had beautiful eyes. Everything I said, those days I ran. They were only silly little LIES.
Now we talk, now we walk. But you're not in front of me.
I miss you. Knowing you were there to comfort me. Knowing we had something going, you see.
So now, every time I see you. My heart still skips a beat. But I know I've lost you for good. I wish I knew what you thought. Every time we were around. When our eyes met, you know there's things I regret. Regret of thinking I could have you. Regret of thinking I was good enough. Regret of losing you.
But there's a twist. A grueling twist. I've got a close one. A drama filled friend. She see's you too. And is hurt, oh so true. And yet it was possible for me to over look that. And pick you, out of the few in that hat. I wish you would admit, that you know what you did. The pain you've put her through, the tears she's cried, OH SO TRUE. 

But now you've changed. I know you can see it. I just don't know how to treat it. You were so different before, now what made you and change to the core. I miss who you were. The one I once knew. And I know, it's still under you. But know that I've hurt you too. Your heart is under real lock down. It's secure and tight. I hate knowing what I did, and what I didn't do. So let me ask you a question. You like to take chances, you took a chance on me. And now, I'm barely one you see. So maybe, I'll take a chance too, and maybe one day, I'll have you. But for now, I'll take that leap, soaring over the gap of yesterday and been here before. I'm not going to promise, that I'll always hold back. If so, I'll be stuck on this unending railroad track.

So know.
That tonight I love you.
And tomorrow...
Well tomorrow I'll still keep it true.

The Latency - Tonight, I love you.

Dear Lies.

Emptiness.

Lacking.

Faith.

Dear Lies.
The day that you opened my door, and walked into my life. I felt something new. I felt something that I had never felt before. But yet did I have to find out, that this wasn't a good feeling. You closed the rest of my windows, and locked my doors. And I let you. You came in. Dressing me in satisfaction and deceit. You fed me lies and undyingly poured my glass fuller and fuller. I began too forget the rest of the world. Sinking into your lies and temptations.

But that day came, when someone else came knocking at my door. Something with more promise, that didn't hurt me. Someone who didn't torture me into death, yet guided me beside still waters. Oh Dear Lies, how much happier I felt with the truth. I could laugh again. I felt complete. I was filled with a love like no other. But I was weak without knowing.

That night you crept into my room. Waking me from a peaceful slumber. Taking me into the darkness. Telling me I wasn't allowed to say no anymore, because I had failed too many times. I fell for it. I felt guilty and disgusted for what I had done before. This thing, this unexplainable hatred that I felt, this was the only punishment I would ever receive. I had sinned. And you had helped. You had a sly smile on your face, I knew you would. You had succeeded then. Bringing me farther away from the truth, and closer towards the hate and rage I felt of myself. You had won. For now.

Dear Lies. Have you never heard a fairy-tale? The prince always comes for his Princess. Even in the worst circumstances. He slays the dragon, or kills the witch. Obviously you were unaware, as even I was. That I had a prince. He came, white horse and all, to rescue me from this dungeon. I may have eaten your poisoned apple, but none was stronger than the love of thy Prince. That sly smile began to recede. And an anger driven revenge beginning to flare.

And as He led me by still waters, away from temptation, I still felt guilt. I felt a personal need to punish myself. I was to blame for all of this. I had fled from my Prince once before. I knew I was capable of doing it again. No matter how much I though I put my trust in him, I had no trust in myself.

So again I've been dragged away and enticed. Falling deeper into the darkness with your lies.
But I've grown smarter over these years. You don't know how much I know and feel. The things that I am capable of. I have a Prince, who rides that white horse. Waiting for me everytime. And now is the time. The time, where forever more, I follow him.
I'm opening that door, the light shines in. And my foot steps out, into the unknown. But I am not alone. But that is where I leave you. Alone. Where you first found me

Sincerely,
Bruised, Broken, Beautiful.

Just Row.

For:Jolene

The Door.
It closes.
The light.
It recedes.

Your eyes.
They darken.
Your life.
In need.

Those waves they crash.
Right into you.
The tears.
They fall.

Your heart.
It calls.
This masterpiece.
Will fall apart.

You're short of breath.
You've got with drawls.

This isn't gonna be easy.
Your emotions.
They're all poses.

Curtains being hung.
Windows being closed.

Those flat-footed shores.
You see where you were before.
This leaves you.
Begging for more.

The pain.
It burns.
You're heart.
It longs...It yearns.

Life will seem pointless.
Your eyes will fill.
Your fists will clench.

But know there's that special bench.
Sit down and let go.
Take up life's boat.

Just Row.

Pink Book.

Cotton.
Gosh, darn. It's so rotten.
It clogs my throat.
Giving me ... a hard time to express my words...

I love the golden arches eh mate?
Let's drive through their wicked gate.
Crikey!
Can I get a dingo burger? And crocodile strips.
..."Uh sir, we don't have those."
BLOODY HECK!

Superstar.
Where you from how's it going...
I know you. Not a clue what you're doing.
Wait...You're baking. How are those buns in the oven?

Cause I'm sure he's burning up for you baby.
But wait...I hate that song.
It drives me crazy.
When you're all heartless..
Decked in lace and leather.

I call to you.
Cause you're "Really really cute!!"

You're hair...So amazing.
How do you get it like that?
And that way you bite your lip.
I purr like a cat...

Carnations...
What a douche bag.
"What?!"
"Oh not you boyfriend...!" Haha.

Man.
I've never seen someone dance like you.
Teach me.

I hear we work well together.
If I was a man. I'd date you first..:)

Walking down the street.
Look at that boy.
We should meet.

"What did you say? Oh, he is cute!"
Ugh...Should've gotten his number while you were at that...

Skills.
Yes mine are mad.
I have a set of pipes.
A kid thinks his are more rad.

Mission Impossible.
For you two,
oh it was...
Possible?

Going home.
Oh so...
Sad?

I was mad. Two pops?
Oh yes.
That teacher had hops. French ones...
"Zehro Calories." He would say.
In such a hilarious way.

Who are you?
Don't jump...

BigCityDreams.

Oh, to hear a calling in life.
To see a future ahead.
To see a new sun rise.
To see the old one set.
Wishing to
Create.
Wishing to inspire,
to design.
To make works of art.
To make a name, a style,
For everyone.
To put together something
Magical.
The 'fabrics' of this world,
the sun, the stars,
Could be created into
the fabric of clothing,
shining and sparkling.
Wishing to create.
To inspire.
To design.
Or to speak.
To tell of stories,
of days past.
Of things that haunted me.
Things that changed me.
Hoping to change you
from what changed me.
Hoping God can speak to you
Like He spoke to me.
Wishing to share.
To inspire.
To spread hope.
Wishing to be
What I was made to be.

To: Emilee Barbour
By: Jolene Selles <3
Thank you Joe..

Come a stranger...

You tell me that I am the only one you see.
You claim, I'm a prophecy.

You told me you'd even wait ten years.
I can't really be the only one with these fears.

I can't do this, I've told you before.
But your constant comments and bring-backs,
they're like an ocean roar.

My head is spinning, my stomach twirling.
You are pushing to hard.
My emotions are hurling.

Stranger.
It's who you are to me.
Alone.
That's all I want to be.
Redeemed.
By a Savior who wants only me.

Come a stranger from the dark.
Come out from the brush, like a lark.

Sweetly talking, by and by.
As I question it.
Why, oh why.

My sanity, its slipping slowly.
All I can do is tell you I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm not truly the one you see.
No, you're not the key.
To unlock this mystery.

He's the key.
My Romancer.
Forever he was, and forever he will be.
He does not expect some letter of how I love him so.
Trust me, he only ever always knows.

I need him, more than I need you.
I am sorry.
But this blog is true.

To you whom I've lied.
It seemed like such a sweet lullabye.
But know, that we can still be friends...
Even if that's not your kinda trend.

Come a stranger, come into the night.
Show me your grace. Show me your light.
Be my Romancer, that's all I pray.

And maybe...He'll make us work someday...